Saturday, December 23, 2006

Spam Poetry Redux

Re: scent burn stuck put

Today gallery feet:
http://www.duczcjl.com/por_pla/index.html?paperstove

waves turns spot felt ?
clear kind odd two ;
basta
http://www.duczcjl.com/torestall.html?pairsfaces
court knock birds ?
able nasty nine an ;


--------
Re: yer able SHOKKING mild MOOVIEIS dawn

Hello, Mr. Jenna Pozzi
If you want yuooung gilr for tonigh,
this site is best what we can give u:
http://www.geocities.com/aaDaCtk6gXo/?begins=por_lion&c=palepegs

moon pale night wont slow ...
fresh jury ada kick tight .
if blood books -
grow fork fell .
end
http://www.geocities.com/aaDaCtk6gXo/?mariar=hurrytime


I swear that this is the poetry of the future. Please don't be retarded and click the links.

Best pics from the shack today will be forthcoming.

Monday, December 18, 2006

There is almost nothing better than waking up in the morning thinking you have to get ready for work and then realizing that you actually don't have work at all that day. It's like the opposite of having a really good dream and then waking up to find out that you really are 25 and living with your mother, but I digress.

I think it's a bit funny that Marie and I are both drinking coffee and looking at the internets on my bed. I'm sure it makes a funny tableau of modern life: Two people not interacting and just staring at their LCD screens while sitting less than a foot from each other. Speaking of the internets...

Apparently this is all over the intarwub at the moment:

Seems like SNL is only good at making funny music videos anymore. Maybe it's that music videos and pop culture is just more ridiculous now. It's sort of like how 80's SNL was really good at making funny commercial parodies because of the ridiculous consumer culture. Also, who knew that Justin "Queerboy" Timberlake was funny? Moving on...

Fling a walrus. I'm easily amused.

I now know what Marie is getting for XXX-Mas.


I really, really like sweet things, but most sweet things are bad for my health and my teeth. If only there were a way that I could eat something rich in whole wheat that tasted like fucking sticky buns. Thank you Japan.



I don't really know what these next two are about, but they are amaing:
Chicks sacrifice the Easter Bunny to the Dove of Peace and Penguins vs. Santa Claus

And via Mo Willem's blog:

Fuck yes ninja pigeons!

I should probably get out of bed now and put on something more than my Scooby Doo christmas boxers.... maybe.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

FW :Ghetto Shopper.jpg

baby in a shopping cart in theshack

edit: it's a forwarded picture from another camera phone and i thought it might show up better full size on here, but obviously not. anyway, this girl came in with all of her christmas wrapping paper and her baby in a shopping cart and brought it right into the shack. super ghetto.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Notes from the Dry Dry Desert

# Sleeping in a room that has the the oil heater for the house and the dryer is like being on a dune in the Gobi Desert at noon. I feel the air is trying to suck out my lungs through my nose.

# My girlfriend is pretty cool.

# Nana. What can I say about my nana? She is visiting for a few days and the woman never shuts up. I have to respect the fact that she doesn't even care if you're listening or not. She'll just keep on talking even though you show absolutely no interest in her story at all. Plus, she gets her Vagisil powder (which she needs for the dry dry desert which is her old woman vagina) all over the bathroom floor.

# I am actively trying to not care at all about selling things to customers at the Shack. I'd rather make very little money than be in competition over a fucking measly 5% commission.

# To further that end I have begun a regimen of guitar hero for 2 hours every day at work. My simulated fretwork is kickass.

# I highly recommend the program Democracy in combination with tvrss.net for setting up automatic downloads of tv shows. You just copy the feed link from tvrss and paste it as a new channel in Democracy and it automatically starts downloading new torrents as they become available. Plus it plays them. I <3 the internets

Now I must go sell overpriced batteries to old people and their old vaginas.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

its the end of the day at radio shack and i havent sold a thing in an hour. hence the mobile blogging.

Look at the giant hair

Look at the giant hair

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Middle East Map of War

Conflict in the Middle East is not a new phenomenon. The map below is a flash animation of the different cultural forces that have fought over and shaped that area over the past 5000 years:


Via MeFi

Monday, October 02, 2006

My Future Pet

Apparently scientists discovered intact Tyrannosaurus Rex flesh. From the article:
Does this discovery of soft dinosaur tissue mean that scientists will soon be able to clone a Tyrannosaurus rex? Probably not – most scientists believe that DNA cannot survive for 70 million years. Then again, before this discovery, most scientists believed that soft tissue could not survive for 70 million years either.

This is what my future pet T-rex looks like now:

Link

Friday, September 29, 2006

WHOA-OH!

So, after seeing Dragonforce and working on my AFI/NKOTB mashup, I have decided that I should make a band whose lyrics are all "whoa-oh"s. This band will have the best live shows on earth because everyone will be able to sing along after hearing one "verse" even if they've never heard the band before. I might include one verse in every song. It will be something very simple with lights of rhymes like "they", "far away" and "day".

Who's in?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

DRAGONFORCE!!!!

What I love about metal is the ridiculous theatricality of it all. It was a good show (except for the second opener "All That Remains") and the first I'd ever seen from the balcony of a venue. My ears are still ringing.

I though I had work at 9 am today, but apparently I work at 1 pm, so I'm going to go take a nap.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Beat Poetry

I don't get much spam at my gmail address, but the stuff I do get is really quite weird. It's almost comprehensible.. yet not. I can see myself with a goatee and a beret reading this at some beat poetry club:

brain in a way that sticks. when to use them, how (or worse, a flat tire), With Design Patterns, and why everything the patterns that to use them (and when
design problems real OO design principles challenging. Something the embarrassment of thinking texts. If you've read a

(and impress cocktail party guests) You're not at speaking the language better at solving software (or worse, a flat tire), design problems
own with your co-worker
be wrong (and what (or worse, a flat tire), to learn how those what to expect--a visually-rich your time on...something

, and how to exploit is so often misunderstood, patterns look in of patterns with others you want to learn the you don't want to
or on the real relationship "secret language" will load patterns into your will load patterns into your
, and how to exploit it struggling with academic
the embarrassment of thinking

used in the Java API


neurobiology, cognitive real OO design principles is so often misunderstood, also want to learn
own with your co-worker when he casually mentions
same problems.

the next time you're


who've faced the the patterns that you have. You know Head First book, you know
of patterns with others challenging. Something
in between sips of a martini.

a book, you want


learned by those and Adapter. With Head First and experience of others, (and impress cocktail party guests)
your time is too important design problems is so often misunderstood,
brain in a way that sticks. the patterns that matter--why to use them,


to use them (and when (or worse, a flat tire), Design Patterns, you'll avoid "secret language" Singleton isn't as simple as it NOT to use them). the "Trading Spaces" show.
In a way that makes you
With Design Patterns, (and too short) to spend
who've faced the
who've faced the your time on...something
the next time you're

own with your co-worker a design paddle pattern. (and impress cocktail party guests) with in between sips of a martini.
how patterns are and Adapter. With Head First design problems, and better (and too short) to spend
be wrong (and what Something more fun. (or worse, a flat tire), your time on...something with
the embarrassment of thinking
that you can hold your
You want to learn about In a way that lets you put same problems. NOT to use them). reinvent the wheel

also want to learn Best of all, in a way that won't texts. If you've read a

more complex. put you to sleep! We think
sounds, how the Factory between Decorator, Facade your boss told you words, in real world
deep understanding of why that you can hold your
Head First Design Patterns

principles will help



I really hope that this is the first step in some online artificial intelligence. Why? Because, in 20 years when the Interbrain is our sovereign overlord, I can whip this gibberish out and blackmail it with its own retarded past.

Inter-Music-nets

I've had a lot of time during the day to fuck around on the internets. The previous three days has been about downloading roleplaying books from the internets. That's not really very post-worthy (although I was thinking about writing a long post about why the new versions of the White Wolf games suck ass). Is 10 gigs of dorkiness enough? I'm not sure.

Today has been about music. As we all know from the amount of band friend requests we get on myspace, the internets is the place to find music we haven't heard before (and in the process become a snobby music bastard).

NOTE: Right now my littlest brother is playing his baritone horn. It's really very cute. I must kill him. I am the only cute one allowed in the house.

One new place that I stumbled across (probably on boingboing or MeFi) is SonicLiving, which is a site that takes your artists list (either manually or from iTunes) and tells you about upcoming shows in your "region". Though I have barely begun to explore the site, the first thing I did once I had my free account was send a suggestion that they add Philadelphia as a regioin (I usually don't want to travel to New York for shows). The amazing thing was that I received a personal reply from a real human just a few minutes after I sent my e-mail. If they can maintain that sort of personal touch when the site blows up big, then I'm in.
Link to my SonicLiving page.

SonicLiving can also automagically take artists from two other great music sharing and recommendation sites: Pandora and last.fm.

Pandora is a great site based on the Music Genome Project that recommends music by extrapolating variables such as genre, bpm, tonality and a bunch of other musical things that I don't understand. And, like Tivo, Pandora learns. If it recommends something stupid, you can give it a thumbs down (or thumbs up, if it rocks your testes).
Link to my Pandora page.

Last.fm is like Pandora in that you can get music recommendations automagically, but there's a whole community of last.fm'ers who can also recommend shit to you and vicey versy. Basically, it's a great site to find hot girls who like MSI. Last.fm requires that you download their program that monitors your music player and uploads it to the site. It's fairly unobtrusive. Also, you can copy and paste some code from their site that lets you put things like your recently played tracks on your blog, just like the one over there on the right. Only problem I can see with it so far is that if you want to subscribe to another users "stations" you have to pay a fee. It's only $3 a month, but for someone who hasn't paid for music since 1998, that's kind of a big deal.
Link to my last.fm page.

Update: Oops... I forgot to include the Hype Machine which gathers music from across the fag-0-sphere and posts it as RSS feeds and a handy standalone player for your listening pleasure.

I also forgot to ask any faggots who read this to send me music that I need to hear. Do it.

Shackin' Up



So I offically start work at the Radio Shack in Rio Grande, NJ tomorrow. Don't be afeared dear readers. I promise that you won't find me wandering the streets of the Villas in khakis and blue dress shirts muttering about "spiffs" and describing the cell phone buying habits of different minority groups. No, I will not join the cult of the Shack and huddle together with other Shack employees at parties discussing the best way to reshelve car lighter plug in adapters. It's just a job. And I plan on turning my employedness into drugs and booze.

Side Note: While I was looking for an image to put on this post I found this post about how the former CEO of the Shack, Dave Edmondson, lied on his resume. Shit, I guess I'm in good company then.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Tub Thumper

Hello kiddies.

I was listening to my ipod nano in the tub last night. I know what you're thinking. "Chris, what if you drop it in the tub?". Yes, dear reader, I thought of that. I do it on a pretty regular basis and I'm really very careful about not getting it wet. Maybe it was the fact that I haven't taken a bath here at my mom's house in a few years, but I underestimated the length of the cord on my ear buds and pull the nano right into the tub with me. I got it out real quick and dried it out as best I could, but now the stupid menu and play buttons don't work.

Now, I could send it in for repair, but I'm a little afraid to see what the price is. Also, I don't know where the nearest apple store is (probably at the Hamilton mall). I think this was my subconscious reasoning behind buying the cheapest ipod with a screen. If I do ever start working at Radio Shack, then I'm sure I'll be buying all kinds of stupid expensive electronics.

That's it. I'm going to go build some things out back.

Update: Thanks to an e-mail from John Reha who told me that I can get my shit fixed for (almost) free as long as it has been less than a year. $29.95 and I get whole new nano, which I can find new ways to destroy. Actually, I'm thinking of encasing the nano and my mini in some sort of hard acrylic shell to keep them safe.

Monday, September 18, 2006

A-Team Stands for Anarcho-Capitalism

that's right... i'm just going to link to someone elses essay. suck on it.
http://blog.mises.org/archives/005325.asp
"The A-team" supports the idea of natural law, rejects the nominalist tradition, rejects relativism both on ethical and epistemological grounds, supports entrepreneurship and free market, praises division of labor and monetary economy, builds its morality on the nonaggression axiom, rejects the necessity for economic regulation, undermines the government itself by demonstration of its failures, and shows how society is shaped by human action.

The "A" in the praised TV series probably stands for anarcho-capitalist.

Death and Taxes

I'm sure you folks have seen this on the interweb already, but it's cool enough that I think I'll repost it as well.

Ferromagnetic Fluid

I must have me some of this. yes.

Future Feeder � Archive � More Ferrofluid

Monday, September 11, 2006

I case you didn't know....

I'm back in the jerZ (aka the land that time forgot) for permanent.

Real quick, here are some things that rule:

- wawa classic meatball hoagies with fucking provolone and parm.
- honey bbq frito twists
- wawa peach iced tea
- yuengling
- the oral b pulsar toothbrush (aka the mouth raper)
- sleeping all day
- swimming naked in the ocean at midnight
- smacking around my little brothers
- making $37.50 an hour painting a "quilt hill"
- making $25 an hour babysitting chairs
- making $20 an hour putting a coat of white paint on a house
- making $0 an hour jacking off at my mom's computer
- working at radio shack with my friends and getting a discount on kewl electronics
- cool ocean breezes in the afternoon

that's it for now.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

AWOL

I was out of town for four days, and then I slept for two days. More posts to come soon.

Friday, August 11, 2006

I knew I wasn't making this shit up

Yes loyal readers... sometimes the best way to earn money is to try to save money:
In the typical home, air conditioning uses more electricity than anything else -- 16% of total electricity used. In warmer regions AC can be 60-70%[emphasis mine] of your summer electric bill, according to Austin Energy. If you're serious about saving energy, address your cooling costs first, since that's what uses the most electricity.

Link
Via

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Day #... Oh, I forget. 2 weeks or something...

Tonight's post is another update on what I've been doing with myself. If you're reading this (if anyone is reading this), you should have noticed two things. One, the web address of this blog has changed. Why? I'd like to say it's because of something to do with marketing going in a "new direction", but really it's because I was messing around with the publishing settings and lost access to the old blogger address (http://launemployment.blogspot.com). Two, that my posts are always at ridiculously late hours. That's because I have been sleeping in. When I say sleeping in, I mean til like 4 pm (7pm today!). I'm a night person I guess.


If you go back a few posts, you'll see that I talked about possibly staying on the east coast if I don't find a job out here. Now, at least one of my roommates found this to be a surprise. I'm not really sure why, since I don't have a job, money, or any friends out here. I've had at least three job offers and two offers of a place to live (not counting living with my mom. Let us also not forget the fact that Los Angeles is a shit stain on the west coast, but I digress. I found out that Kelly is actually an associate producer on PBS' The Good Night Show that I am going to be assisting my Mom and others in painting. I also found out that my mom is friends with Melanie, the fired host of the show. So that's something that I found out, all from my bed in my little tent room in North Hollywood. Small freaking world.


If you check the last post, you'll see some of what I've been reading on the interweb lately. All the links from Wikipedia are for a screenplay that I came up with a few years ago, y'know, when I went to film school. It was originally called "Resurrection Man" and then "The Resurrectionist" (stupid taken titles). Basically, I got the idea from watching something on the Discovery Channel about the Burke and Hare murders in Scotland (see the link in previous post) and that there were people called "resurrectionists" who dug up recently deceased bodies to sell to medical students for about £8. I have no idea how much that was worth at the time, but it was good enough to kill someone and sell their body apparently. There have been lots of different films, shows and books about Burke and Hare and body-snatchers, but my story only starts with the resurrectionists. My hook? STEAM POWERED ZOMBIES (patent pending, patent pending). I know you wish you thought of it, but you didn't so :p. I like the idea. I know who my hero is. I know the basic setting and plot. But, now I have to write it (rewrite it actually, original's on my dead PC). So I've been letting research take me different places (like the learning that the Greeks had analog computers and steam power). Ancient Greek steampunk anyone? Yeah, doing things is the hard part of doing things.


Speaking of... the comic book. I've been working on and off on the comic. I crapped out five pages for SD Comic-con so that Emmett would have something to show to the companies there. I really was not very happy with how it looked. So, after putting the the drafting table in my pseudo-room, I've been working on my basic drawing techniques. The drawing on the right is the main character of my screenplay (okay, maybe I'm thinking of making it a comic). He's pretty beat up and trying to get away from the steam zombie in the background. Obviosly I can draw, but it's drawing consistently that's the problem (and drawing legs, they're hard). Inking is also something that needs some work. As far as I can tell, the only way to draw more consistently is too keep drawing. Once again, the hardest part of doing something... is doing it. It'd be nice if there were a sort of "autopilot" mode I could enter, where I wouldn't be aware of what I'm doing while I'm doing it. Someone please look into this for me.

I have also been reading a lot of alternative history novels (okay, two). The first was Philip K. Dick's "The Man in the High Tower (Text Files, user: Guest, pass: public1) and the one I'm currently reading is Bruce Sterling's "The Difference Engine" which is about what would have happened if England had built and used the world first computer. It's really amazing so far, and has made me much more interested in the alternative historical fiction types of books (and blogs). Maybe that's the direction I'll take the screenplay. I'm not really sure.

You can check out my Last.fm playlist in the sidebar to see what I've been listening to. It's mostly science podcasts mixed in with skater punk and Norwegian metal.

That's all for tonight kids. I'm going to go make some foods and draw some things. Night.

Day #... Oh, I forget. 2 weeks or something...

Tonight's post is another update on what I've been doing with myself. If you're reading this (if anyone is reading this), you should have noticed two things. One, the web address of this blog has changed. Why? I'd like to say it's because of something to do with marketing going in a "new direction", but really it's because I was messing around with the publishing settings and lost access to the old blogger address (http://launemployment.blogspot.com). Two, that my posts are always at ridiculously late hours. That's because I have been sleeping in. When I say sleeping in, I mean til like 4 pm (7pm today!). I'm a night person I guess.


If you go back a few posts, you'll see that I talked about possibly staying on the east coast if I don't find a job out here. Now, at least one of my roommates found this to be a surprise. I'm not really sure why, since I don't have a job, money, or any friends out here. I've had at least three job offers and two offers of a place to live (not counting living with my mom. Let us also not forget the fact that Los Angeles is a shit stain on the west coast, but I digress. I found out that Kelly is actually an associate producer on PBS' The Good Night Show that I am going to be assisting my Mom and others in painting. I also found out that my mom is friends with Melanie, the fired host of the show. So that's something that I found out, all from my bed in my little tent room in North Hollywood. Small freaking world.


If you check the last post, you'll see some of what I've been reading on the interweb lately. All the links from Wikipedia are for a screenplay that I came up with a few years ago, y'know, when I went to film school. It was originally called "Resurrection Man" and then "The Resurrectionist" (stupid taken titles). Basically, I got the idea from watching something on the Discovery Channel about the Burke and Hare murders in Scotland (see the link in previous post) and that there were people called "resurrectionists" who dug up recently deceased bodies to sell to medical students for about £8. I have no idea how much that was worth at the time, but it was good enough to kill someone and sell their body apparently. There have been lots of different films, shows and books about Burke and Hare and body-snatchers, but my story only starts with the resurrectionists. My hook? STEAM POWERED ZOMBIES (patent pending, patent pending). I know you wish you thought of it, but you didn't so :p. I like the idea. I know who my hero is. I know the basic setting and plot. But, now I have to write it (rewrite it actually, original's on my dead PC). So I've been letting research take me different places (like the learning that the Greeks had analog computers and steam power). Ancient Greek steampunk anyone? Yeah, doing things is the hard part of doing things.


Speaking of... the comic book. I've been working on and off on the comic. I crapped out five pages for SD Comic-con so that Emmett would have something to show to the companies there. I really was not very happy with how it looked. So, after putting the the drafting table in my pseudo-room, I've been working on my basic drawing techniques. The drawing on the right is the main character of my screenplay (okay, maybe I'm thinking of making it a comic). He's pretty beat up and trying to get away from the steam zombie in the background. Obviosly I can draw, but it's drawing consistently that's the problem (and drawing legs, they're hard). Inking is also something that needs some work. As far as I can tell, the only way to draw more consistently is too keep drawing. Once again, the hardest part of doing something... is doing it. It'd be nice if there were a sort of "autopilot" mode I could enter, where I wouldn't be aware of what I'm doing while I'm doing it. Someone please look into this for me.

I have also been reading a lot of alternative history novels (okay, two). The first was Philip K. Dick's "The Man in the High Tower (Text Files, user: Guest, pass: public1) and the one I'm currently reading is Bruce Sterling's "The Difference Engine" which is about what would have happened if England had built and used the world first computer. It's really amazing so far, and has made me much more interested in the alternative historical fiction types of books (and blogs). Maybe that's the direction I'll take the screenplay. I'm not really sure.

You can check out my Last.fm playlist in the sidebar to see what I've been listening to. It's mostly science podcasts mixed in with skater punk and Norwegian metal.

That's all for tonight kids. I'm going to go make some foods and draw some things. Night.

Wow.

Normal Life

A really amazing example of what the comics form can be and do.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Home Again, Home Again

I think part of the reason that I quit my job (and now enjoy the fruits of unemployment) is because I wanted the option to be able to move back home. I'm visiting Philly and Jersey starting August 25th and coming back around September 6th (unless I end up staying). In honor of (preparation for) heading home and hanging out with all my friends, I present the following links:

Air Conditioners of Philadelphia
Jersey Water




I'll be repainting this set with my Mom and aunt
It's a really cool set:

I'm also organizing a "Consumeeting" on Consumating.com

More updates as I figure out what I'm doing.

The Burning, Part 2

So I drew a quick illustration of my sunburn because I don't have a camera to take a picture of the damage.

It's very hurty. That's why it's so red. Get it?

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Oh God, THE BURNING!!!

We went to Zuma Beach today. It really is the only beach that we've been to so far that doesn't have rocks, planes flying overhead, a huge drop-off at the surfline or evil razor sharp bivalves on the aforementioned rocks that cut the living shit out of your feet. I'm pretty sure that the mussels on those rocks would eviscerate you if you body surfed into them. Accordingly, the beach there is pretty packed with folks. Is it wrong that I want to football tackel little kids who run by my towel and kick sand into my eyes? It actually wasn't so bad, and the water was cold, but not heart-stoppingly so.
I prefer to travel light when going to the beach. I towel, a book and a sheet or blanket are usually more than enough for me. Today however, I forgot not only sunscreen, but to charge my ipod (where my books currently live). So instead of reading, I fell asleep in the sun and burned to a fucking crisp! I look a bit like this (if you combined the sunburn guy with the fat guy in the background):


Yeah, it's pretty ouchy. AND, I can't find my aloe vera lotion shit either. So I will wander around for the next few days, shirtless and possibly pantsless, complaining about it. Maybe I'll also make transient white hand marks on my flesh too. Those are cool.
...
Aw man. I just went to the bathroom, and I have become significantly more red since I started writing this post. It's not quite cherry red, but it's getting there. Damn my lack of soothing remedies! Oh well. I guess I'll drink, read and draw (in that order) to ease the ouch.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Diary Of Ralph Dibny

The Diary Of Ralph Dibny

I guess I forgot this one...

My roommate John has informed me that I forgot to show you kids this comic:


That's for Christine who i try to do every time I'm more than a litte intoxicated. I'm a swell guy.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Don't forget about spare change

I counted my money and I have $25 in loose change. I'm fucking rich as hell.
Planning a a big night on the town? Don't forget to wear your lucky underwear!



Vote for me at Consumating!

Good Lord, where did the time go?

So, I'm not really sure what happened to the last week. I have not left my comfy, comfy bed in seven days. Okay, I did go to the beach last Saturday. Then I took my recyclin's to the RePlanet in Van Nuys. Marie came over on Tuesday night. Thursday night we played Atmosfear and drank margaritas. The goddamn video tape won the game. We are losers. That's pretty much all I remember doing.
I know that I said that I was going to post about me trying to find a job, but seeing as how I've been sleeping til 4 pm, I haven't really looked for, or applied to any, jobs. I will however tell you what I've been doing with my time as an unemployed person. Let's see:

- I've been messing around on Consumating quite a bit. That last post was put up automatically when I started a converstion on hanging out with consumating kids in philly (aka a "consumeeting")

- Set up my AdSense account on Google, so now when one of you suckas... err, you readers clicks on one of the text ads on the page I make pennies, PENNIES I TELL YOU! I'm already up to $0.34. I'll soon be an internet millionaire. Just you wait.

- Posted more comics for friends who send me money. (Friends rule.)



- Signed up for an interview at the local AppleOne office. It's a temp agency. I totally slept through it, even though I set it for 4 pm on a Thursday. I am a bum. The sent me this letter to make me feel even worse about it:
Dear Christopher Bennett,

You recently scheduled an interview with AppleOne. We care a lot about applicants like yourself. We believe and hope you will agree that we are unique in our industry in that way. But, that commitment to providing career seekers like you with the highest levels of service and respect possible requires constant attention and measurement.

You can help by letting us know how well our branches are meeting our goals. Please take a moment to complete a very brief survey at:
http://www.appleone.com/appSurvey/Default.aspx?appSurvey=1&targetApp=3BFB049E-AF3D-4A94-9E83-AB8F7C164392

Even if you cancelled or haven't yet completed the interview process, your feedback is still important to us. We understand that you're busy, so we really appreciate your assistance in helping us create a service that can best help you achieve the career results you desire.

Thank you

Bastards.

- Luckily, my former coworker Doug sent me a note that made me feel a bit better:
Hey Chris,
I've been meaning to shoot you an email but your
untimely departure coincided with my Dad having a
seizure so I've been back and forth to La Jolla and TJ
a few times- I didn't sleep last night, just 1.5hrs at
the rest stop on the way back up to work.
I hope you have some work prospects lined up.
You go girl!

Of the three people I worked with, he was the coolest.

- Taking care of my plants. My tomato plant and basil are both doing very well. The tomato may even be producing some belated tomatoes! One day I may even be able to raise small mammals or lizards without them dying and turning into little mummies.

- Worked on my drawing quite a bit. I've moved my drafting table and art supplies from the kitchen into my room/fort:

Sorry about the shitty quality of the pics, I took them with a Game Show Network webcam that Greg won at some thing. It's a bit cramped in here now, but I really like being able to draw and paint without leaving my pseudo-room.

- Spent an inordinate amount of timing trying to hack my iPod Nano. I put iDoom on it. Also, I downloaded a crapload of books in various formats, so I used a program called book2pod to turn them into notes so I can read them in the tub. (You'll probably see a post soon about how I dropped my nano in the water). It has a few bugs, but it mostly works like a charm

- Smelling my armpits. The cheap deodorant I got pretty much sucks balls. I'll have to suck it up and buy me some nice Right Guard gel.

- My roommate gave me a job lead with CBR to be their "webmaster". I'm not really sure what it is, but it pays and I can do it from home, so hopefully i'll never have to leave this bed. (Yes, I'm in bed right now) I sent the editor, Jonah, a note, but I'm still waiting to hear from him. Perhaps he's reading this post right now and learning about what a fuck-up I am.


So that's what I've been up to for the past week. Let me update you on my financial status. So far, my total earnings, including (mostly) money from friends in exchange for comics, money found in my pants, adsense and my last paycheck from the job is:
$472.45
Not bad. That's basically what I was making per week (before he cut my hours) at my job. It looks like I might be able to survive the month without a job of any kind.
PHILLY CONSUMEETING!!!
I'll be back on the east coast August 25th or so 'til around Labor Day. Let's have a ConsuMeeting philly style. We'll fill our Wawa Iced Tea bottles with vodka and wander around South Street. Or maybe we'll hang out with the dykes and go to Woody's or The Dive Bar and shit like that. We could even hang out down in Cape May, since I'll be spending some of my time there too. Do it fuckers!


(My latest topic from Consumating.)

Monday, July 31, 2006

Day 4: The Plan

Okay. So I'm sitting here in my room (my semi-private room) at about 1:30am. I've been drunk for about three days. Now I know what you're going to say, "Chris, that's no way to get yourself a job and some money." I appreciate your input but you can very well fuck off there buddy. What's the point of having no job if you can't get plastered for a few days in a row huh? Anyway, moving on...

The name of this post is "The Plan". Here I will outline my best ideas on how to make some money while I'm looking for a job. I know that most people don't have the attention span for a long post like this, so let me assure you that there will be full frontal nudity at the end of it. Enough with the jibber-jabber. Here we go:

1. "A friend in need..."
That's right, I'm talking about begging to those people who I call "friend". I put this post up on myspace:
So I just did my finances for the month and it looks like I have...
negative $250 for the month of august.

If I knew that I probably wouldn't have quit my job, but it's too late to go back now.

If anyone can help me out, even with as little as $5 or $10 I would appreciate it.

In fact, if you send me money, I'll draw a comic strip with your likeness in it and send it to you (via e-mail preferably, stamps is expensive).

Send monies to
Chris Bennett
5302 Cartwright Ave. #8
North Hollywood, CA 91601
or paypal:
chris.thebigfatloser@gmail.com

word.

You, dearest blog readers (all two of you) can also send your donations in and you will receive a comic like this:

and I guess I should show you the mustache while we're at it:

No more picture for you web-monkeys. My plan seems to have had some success. I've received $30 in the last 24 hours. That's not bad for the time it takes to write a paragraph and draw some shitty comics. If the well starts to run dry, I can always pretend I have cancer.

2. "The Power is Yours"
If there's one thing that Captain Planet has taught me, it's that you can make a quick buck off of poor saps wanting to save the planet (news flash: the planet aint' going nowhere, the only thing we'll kill is ourselves). My roommates drink a lot of canned and bottled beverages. My roommates like to leave said beverage containers scattered about the apartment, so I pick them up and throw them in the closet to recycle later (our building doesn't recycle). I also drink things that come in cans and bottles. So, I have been saving these things in bags for a few months now. Yesterday I took the five large trash bags I had saved up to the local RePlanet facility (which is never as clean as the one on their site) and recycled for MOOLAH. Turns out that five huge bags of cans and bottles is worth about $10. Thougsh if we take into account the nice converstions I had with the local transient, I think I made out like a bandit. If I really wanted to make some money, I could go through people's recycling when it's out on the curb. But, then it's more like a job and not passive income I collect just by holding on to bottles and not throwing them out. (If you're keeping count, I've made $40 so far)

3. "Mommy and Daddy Love Me"
I'm saving this one as a last resort, as it's really kind of a cop-out. Although, without me asking her, my mother got me a job painting sets for three days when I visit in late August. I could potentially earn about $500 on that job, which could cover my rent for September. Mommy can't really cover my bills anyway, since she has two minor children to take care of. My Dad... well, my Dad may or may not be dead. I'll find out late August.

4. "Bloggity Bloggity"
I plan on using this blog (I hate the word blog) as a money making device. I'm not actually sure how it works, but I think it goes something like this: 1. Post article 2. ? 3. PROFIT! There's no way it could go wrong. It may or may not work, but getting cold hard $$ for writing drivel like this seems like a good deal to me. No money has been made on this so far.

I guess that's it so far. If you have any suggestions, I'd like to hear them. I was originally going to have this post be about the job search as well, but I think I'll leave that for tomorrow sometime (after I've, y'know, actually looked for a job).

Until then good readers... blow me.

Oh yeah, here's your full frontal nudity:

Saturday, July 29, 2006

P.S.

I was rejiggering some of the settings on this blog for its new purpose and I realized that the last post before this most recent one was also a letter written to someone in authority with whom I couldn't work. This is getting to be a goddamn theme in my life. I'll leave the psychoanalysis to someone who cares about that sort of thing. I just thought it was a bit interesting.

Tomorrow is a beach day, but there will be an entry about my post-employment battleplan before Monday.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Day 1: How to quit a job you hate

Those of you not in my immediate circle of friends and acquaintances probably do not know the ongoing saga of my latest job. Let me catch you up:

I was working as a clerk at a law office when out of the blue I got a call from someone named Nick Drance, who wanted to hire me as a salesperson/designer for his trade show exhibit design company (www.imagedesigncom.com). I thought it was a really good opportunity (and it was). And, at first everything seemed to be going really well. However, it soon became apparent that my boss and I were not going to be able to get along. Instead of telling of the torturous three months since the real stressful stuff started, I'll just let you read my resignation letter:
Dear Nick,

I am sorry about what I said right before I walked out. However, I am not sorry about anything else I said. I agree with everything you have said about the pace at which I work. What I was telling you today was out of concern for you and your company. The point I was trying to get across was that, knowing my own current limitations, I can not and could not do the work you are asking me to do without making mistakes that could potentially cost you money. I have endeavored to make you understand this on several occasions. I understand that my paycheck reflects the work I do that sells exhibits. And, if all I were doing was creating design concepts then I think there would be no problem at all. But, trying to engineer five jobs (Livermercial, Paulina, LBC, WJ Huntley, Graphic Vision) at the same time is next to impossible for me (and I surmise that it would be for anyone). Despite the relative simplicity of all of those jobs, they require a meticulous attention to detail with as little distraction as possible. Since Liton, I have been, as far as I can remember, unable to complete any one task without something more urgent interrupting it. You accept these custom jobs and assume that I will be able to create renderings for all of them with no prior notice until they are almost due, no design or production schedule and with work being given to me piecemeal on each job.
You said that Abel didn't take me as long to do. That is entirely incorrect. Abel's renderings took almost an entire month (early March to early April) to create from start to finish, and that was starting from already created SketchUp drawings. You now have me creating drawings from scratch, three or four at a time, in sometimes less than two weeks. Maybe you believe that kind of workload increase is reasonable, and perhaps it is, but let me reiterate that it is too much for me to handle properly at this time.
I know that I have the potential to work faster and make less mistakes, but that will not happen if I am constantly pulled from one job to another. I also know that you have given me a lot of opportunity that very few people would have given me. Perhaps your faith in my abilities was unfounded. I do not know if someone with more experience and more formal training could do what you're asking, but I know that I can not. I'm not sure, but If this is the "slow" season, it would be even worse when things pick up in the fall and winter. I do not know how you created renderings and engineering drawings before you hired me, but my suggestion would be for you to farm out some portion of the workload to another company (Octanorm, Abex, etc.)
Besides all of that, I have to tell you that working with you personally has become almost intolerable. I know (or at least hope) that you mean well and that you have my best interests at heart, but it is actions and not intentions that matter. Basically, you have been driving me crazy for almost three months straight (and the feeling is probably mutual). I think that a good number of the people you work with would tell you the same thing if they were able to give an honest answer. I have no fear of hard work, or long hours (I think you've seen that), but the passive/aggressive manner in which you dole out responsibility and criticize me (and others) is not worth any amount of money to me. I really don't think you do any of it in a mean way, but the daily assault of needling little comments about how the mistakes I make are all "simple", even though I've said several times that I'm overloaded with detailed work, is too much to bear. Maybe Robbie at Abex was a total bastard to his employees and would have driven me to quit too, but at least it sounds like he was straightforward about it. You seem to enjoy criticizing, critiquing, overworking and asking those around you to do several nigh impossible tasks at once, while hiding behind the veneer of a nice guy. Well, I won't put up with that from anyone no matter what our relative positions in life are.
I think I have shown (and know that I feel) a basic respect for your experience, wisdom, advice, intelligence and business sense. You have said that you respect me as well, but when I arrive at the office, I do not think that respect is being reciprocated. When I roll my eyes at some of the things that you do or say that I find "silly" that is always tempered by the fact that you run a successful business and have been doing so for many years and so I try to keep my mind open to the things you tell me and the advice you give me. When I tell you something and you say "Okay, I hear you." I think that is just your way of blowing off whatever it is I (or anyone) had to say. Today's argument was just the latest example of me telling you something that you did not want to hear and so you ignored it.
And telling me that that I'm "tying your hands" and costing you $100,000 is, if I may use the phrase, a crock of shit. I know that before I started working for you that you created custom exhibits without an in-house designer/engineer. If you could do it then, you could still do it now. As I see it, blaming me for the backups in your production schedule makes absolutely no sense. At the very least, everything I do should only be additional help on top of whatever it is you did before (did Adrian do all your designs?). I could be focusing on one design at a time, handle it from start to finish (concept, engineerings, invoice, PO, delivery, setup, etc.) and also be selling pop-ups at the same time. Obviously that's not how you want or expect me to work. Sadly, it's the only way I can see that will give us both what we want.
Nick, I am more than willing to come back to Image Design & Communications and work harder than ever to create designs that will make you oodles of money, but I would have to be assured beyond any doubt that the things I mention above will change. I doubt that that will happen and so I suspect that this is where you and I part ways. I would rather flip burgers for $6/hr than continue to work under the same conditions at your company. Perhaps my own expectations for you are unrealistic, but I hope that the previous sentence makes salient how miserable I have felt working for you these past few months.

Sincerely,
Chris Bennett
(C.B)
7/27/06
5:35 pm


I will not repost his replies, as they're not really relevant, and are mostly his attempt to not seem like such a bad guy. I'm not saying that he is a bad guy, just that there was no way I could continue to work for him.

So that's how I quit my latest job. Now I'm unemployed, have about $750 dollars in the bank and pile of bills that need to be paid. I'm going to attempt to document my job search and ways to make/save money in the interim.

My next post will outline my plan (such as it is).

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Intro to Frustration

Hi,

I'm Chris. I'm in your Tuesday night Intro to Illustration class, the kid with the plugs who had his hand over his face. Basically, I'm totally frustrated.

I didn't just take this class on a whim. I really wanted to learn about illustration. This class is two months rent for me (or 6 months of groceries, seven months of gas, a year of cell phone bills, etc.). A friend of mine (and Art Center) alumnus recommended I take a night class at Art Center. I had reservations from week 1, when Rob told us that the class would be very "freeform". I told my same friend about my frustrations with my own process and the class and she said that it was worth it to stick with you guys because you're really excellent. I decided to at least stay until you took over, just to see, but looking at your first assignment I'm ready to drop it completely.

I'm not attempting criticize you guys or your class. Rob was very upfront about the structure and content of the class. The problems are mine. I was expecting/looking for a different type of class but I guess I thought I would be able to learn something anyway. So far, all that I have learned is that trying to produce something as an assignment without really specific requirements is a really painful, and in the end, unfulfilling experience for me. And, that I really hate showing my art to a group (not to mention reading in front of a group). I'm pretty baffled by this, because drawing and painting has always been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When there is some sort of expectation attached to art though, I become almost immediately frustrated.

When I look at this assignment sheet, I realize that I can't think of anything that inspires me. I don't collect anything. I don't have any CD's, big book collection, art books, tchotchkes, toys, games, movies or anything. I draw in infrequent spurts and there isn't really any continuity of subject matter. I don't know why I want to make art, I just do. I want to know how and I thought that's what I was going to learn.

So, that's that. Sorry I couldn't talk to you in class, but I would have found it very embarrassing. I'd appreciate any advice you might have about what I should do.


Sincerely,
Chris Bennett

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

forgive my sparseness

I haven't written much here in the past couple of weeks, mostly due to the fact that no one reads it (including myself). I started some deep soul-searching thing and abandoned it about a paragraph in. It's in my drafts, so perhaps I will put it up eventually. I think it was going to be about the brief visit with my father and how he has decided to die on his couch, which according to most reports, he has not left in more than 6 months. That makes me feel something, but it's not an emotion I have a name for, so it's very hard to write down, so I won't.
Instead I will tell you that I have a new job working at a place that designs and sells trade show displays. I know that sounds sort of dull, but it involves some amount of drawing and designing both the structures and some of the graphics, which sounds infinitely more satisfying than filing all day. I start the friday after next, or sooner, depending on if they find another file clerk before then.
I called out yesterday because I was too tired/depressed/sore to get out of bed. What are they going to do... fire me? I already quit. I'm like a lame-duck president.
I also stumbled on another social networking/tagging/bootyhunting site called consumating.com. I don't even remember how I found it now. It was probably on someone's blog. I've had two dates from it already and i'm in the top ten most popular men (moving from eighth to tenth and back). It's fun, check it out.
Also, I buzzed all my hair off (see below). I was also growing a beard, but shaved most of that because the ladies don't approve.
I will probably post the short story I wrote for my illustration class. It's a science fiction story and it's terrible and embarrassingly derivative of the Cory Doctorow stories I've been listening to.

man, look at that pimple... that's horrible.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

i'm enjoying this too much...

yeah... so i broke down and bought an ipod. it's the ipod nano, the cheapest ipod with a a screen you can get. what can i say? i'm drunk with financial power with this new credit card. it's a good thing it has such a low limit.

i must say that i'm impressed with how fast it was delivered. i ordered it tuesday and it was in my apartment thursday morning. they even gave me the correct engraving:



(if it's too blurry, it says "consumer whore")

Thursday, January 26, 2006

gum-fucked


Now my gums know what it's like to fucked like a cheap whore.

If you hadn't already guessed I went to the dentist today. Because I haven't been to a dentist for almost two years, my gums are infectified and covered in nasty plaque, tartar and an entire society of very advanced bacteria who have built a modern city with working lights and plumbing. The treatment for this is two-fold.

Part one is called "root scaling and planing". Translated from dentist talk this means that they jam a sharp metal instrument in between my teeth and gumfuck me for a good half hour. After the first go-round (which I couldn't feel because of the anesthetic) I could see blood all over the doctor's gloves. That fucking scared me a bit. It was also kind of fun. I'm weird like that. After he was done jamming arcane dental instruments into holes I didn't even know I had, he had to scrape shit off my teeth. There is nothing better than the sounds of metal on tooth. It's enough to make me barf. I'm just fucking glad he's not my proctologist... I pay a guy in West Hollywood for that. Speaking of paying...

The second part of the treatment, and the most expensive ($700) is the application of the antibiotics. He had an instrument that he loads with a little plastic container of yellow powdery antibiotic shit into my newly fucked gumholes. Maybe it's just the way my mind works, but it seem pretty fitting that the last part of the procedure was to shoot a load all over the place. Good times.

My lower lip is still numb as hell. I brought KFC from last night into work, but I don't want to eat it until my mouth feels normal. If antibiotics can't kill my city-building mouthbitches then the Colonel's eleven herbs and spices should do the trick.