Thursday, January 26, 2006

gum-fucked


Now my gums know what it's like to fucked like a cheap whore.

If you hadn't already guessed I went to the dentist today. Because I haven't been to a dentist for almost two years, my gums are infectified and covered in nasty plaque, tartar and an entire society of very advanced bacteria who have built a modern city with working lights and plumbing. The treatment for this is two-fold.

Part one is called "root scaling and planing". Translated from dentist talk this means that they jam a sharp metal instrument in between my teeth and gumfuck me for a good half hour. After the first go-round (which I couldn't feel because of the anesthetic) I could see blood all over the doctor's gloves. That fucking scared me a bit. It was also kind of fun. I'm weird like that. After he was done jamming arcane dental instruments into holes I didn't even know I had, he had to scrape shit off my teeth. There is nothing better than the sounds of metal on tooth. It's enough to make me barf. I'm just fucking glad he's not my proctologist... I pay a guy in West Hollywood for that. Speaking of paying...

The second part of the treatment, and the most expensive ($700) is the application of the antibiotics. He had an instrument that he loads with a little plastic container of yellow powdery antibiotic shit into my newly fucked gumholes. Maybe it's just the way my mind works, but it seem pretty fitting that the last part of the procedure was to shoot a load all over the place. Good times.

My lower lip is still numb as hell. I brought KFC from last night into work, but I don't want to eat it until my mouth feels normal. If antibiotics can't kill my city-building mouthbitches then the Colonel's eleven herbs and spices should do the trick.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

your mouth always did taste funny. must have been burgeoning colonies.